This might be a question that many parents will find quite difficult to answer, it is okay to be somewhat surprised or shocked by such a question. However, like any other question we can do our best to answer.
If a child or young person asks this question, there are suggestions for your response below. This would be an example of a question where you would want to find out more about why such a question is being asked. This might be a personal experience or worry, or a worry for a friend. And of course, it can just be a straightforward request for good information.
Interest in their question can be explored gently, so as not to make the child worried or feel they have done or said something wrong. You could start with comments like: Let’s talk about that for a minute… Can you tell me what you know about that already? Okay, could you tell me where you heard that?
A worrying thing can be if your child makes a comment about someone ‘being a paedophile’ that they think is (or are repeating as) humorous, or you feel is being used to attack someone for some reason. You can say you find that upsetting, but explore: Let’s talk about that for a minute… Okay, could you tell me where you heard that?
If you are concerned that another child or adult has asked your child or another child to participate in any sexual contact, you should seek advice from a professional person you trust. You can call ParentLine for free: 08000 28 22 23 or go here for a link to the webchat and email facility: How Children 1st Parentline Can Support You | Children 1st
3, 4 and 5-year-olds
A child this age is unlikely to ask this question.
6, 7 and 8-year-olds
As with younger children it is unlikely that a child this age would ask such a question, but children can hear this word used by others and be curious. This short answer is offered and as suggested above, it will be important to explore why the question is being asked, and what your child might already think the term means.
When it comes to responding to this question you do not need to mention sexual abuse in your response. There is more support for your chats in these sections of the Chat: Talking about: Being safe and happy online and Talking about: Identifying adults to trust/who to go to with a question or worry.
A paedophile is a grown-up who hurts children. If you are ever worried about a grown-up, you can always come and talk to me.
9 and 10-year-olds
11 and 12 year-olds
In general terms talking to children about child sexual abuse keeps them safe. This needs to be done without causing worry. Children can learn to trust feelings of uneasiness, they can learn to understand what inappropriate touch is, and that suggestions to keep something secret is not okay. For support on how talk more with your child go to the Talking About: Abuse (9- and 10-year-olds) or Talking About: Abuse (11- and 12-year-olds).
A paedophile is an adult who abuses children. They might touch a child’s body, or look at a child’s private parts, or show them private parts of their body. They might do these things when they are with a child, or they might do them online. They might say these things are to be a secret. They can frighten a child. If you are ever worried about an adult, you can always come and talk to me. Children are never to blame for what an adult does. I will always listen to you and help if you ever have a worry.
13, 14 and 15 year-olds
16, 17 and 18 year-olds
Young people this age may not consider they are at risk from a person they would consider a paedophile, perhaps they think the risks are for younger children. Whether a question is asked, or the word comes up in conversation, it is helpful to remind your teenage child that risks exist for them too, from adults and from other young people. You can emphasise that you are always someone they can come to.
A paedophile is an adult who sexually abuses children. This can be something they do to a child directly or it can be done online by making or sharing images of children that are abusive. Of course, teenagers are at risk of abuse from other young people and from adults. This can happen in-person or online. Please remember that although you are growing up and nearly an adult yourself, you can still come talk to me about anything that doesn’t feel right, or anything that happens, to you or a friend you are worried about. Trust your instincts and come have a chat with me.
There is more in the Talking About section that will help you talk to your teenage child about keeping safe, in-person and online.
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