Talking about people being lesbian gay or bisexual will be influenced to some extent by the visibility of lesbian, gay and bisexual people in your family life and community. As a parent you may be lesbian, gay or bisexual. Your child might have older siblings, relatives or family friends that are. Young people themselves may be coming out as lesbian or gay or bisexual. The point is that these short answers are to be adapted to suit your family – so saying things like: Just like me…. Just like auntie Dot…. In these answers we explain sexual orientation through the lens of love and relationships.
One thing to keep in mind: If your child uses a negative slang word for lesbian, gay or bisexual people, or says something that you feel is discriminatory, or sounds like prejudice, take a moment and explore what they have said and where they might have heard such a thing. While we have made progress across society, children will still hear homophobic and biphobic language. And often when they are young, they don’t understand the impact of words. To get into a conversation about this, be gentle rather than scolding. You could start with comments like: Let’s talk about that for a minute… Okay, could you tell me where you heard that? There is more to support talking and learning together in the Talking About section, organised by the age of your child.
3, 4 and 5-year-olds
6, 7 and 8-year-olds
Children are accepting of all relationships, but they can be curious. They also become increasingly aware of difference – they might observe that a friend has two mums or two dads. They might also hear chat about a person they know or meet someone who talks about being gay or lesbian.
We say a person is gay when they love someone of the same sex. This can be used when we talk about a man that loves a man, or a woman that loves a woman.
We also have another word when a woman loves a woman – we can also say she is lesbian.
We say a person is bisexual when they feel they can be in love with a person who is the same sex as them, or someone of a different sex.
We don’t know why a person is lesbian or gay, or bisexual they just are.
9 and 10-year-olds
11 and 12 year-olds
We say a person is gay when they love someone of the same sex, this can be used when we talk about two men together or two women together.
We say a person is lesbian when a woman loves a woman (so for women we can say gay or lesbian).
We say a person is bisexual when they feel they can be in love with a person who is the same sex as them, or someone of a different sex.
We don’t know why a person is lesbian or gay or bisexual, they just are. It’s never okay to make fun of someone or use horrible words because of who they are.
For some children an explanation of what we mean by homophobia or biphobia might be of interest.
Homophobia is about having a negative attitude or behaviour towards someone just because they are lesbian or gay. Biphobia is having a negative attitude or behaviour towards someone just because they are bisexual. Homophobia and biphobia can include horrible language or threats or violence against lesbian, gay and bisexual people. It is never okay to be hurtful or cruel to a person just because they are gay or lesbian or bisexual. If you hear words that are hurtful, or see people picking on someone, come speak to me and we can chat about it
13, 14 and 15 year-olds
16, 17 and 18 year-olds
The answer below continues to assume that the question has been asked by a teenager. The response here will help you answer. Of course, a question coming from a teenager on this topic might mean more – there could be curiosity or worry about a friend. The young person might be lesbian or gay, and looking for a way in to talk to you. As always, the response here might only be the start of a conversation.
We say a person is gay when they love someone of the same sex, this can be used when we talk about two men together or two women together. We say a person is lesbian when a woman loves a woman (so for women we can say gay or lesbian). We say a person is bisexual when they feel they can be in love with a person who is the same sex as them, or someone of a different sex.
We don’t know why a person is lesbian or gay or bisexual, they just are. So, some people are gay or lesbian or bisexual. Some members of our family may be gay or lesbian or bisexual.
Homophobia is about having a negative attitude or behaviour towards someone just because they are lesbian or gay. Homophobia can include horrible language or threats or violence against lesbian and gay people. Biphobia is a similar discrimination against bisexual people.
There has been lots of progress so that lesbian and gay people can be equal across society. There is Equal Marriage so that lesbian and gay couples can get married. Lesbian and gay people can become parents and carers, including by adopting or fostering children. Lesbian and gay people can do any job. If you hear homophobic or biphobic language, or see someone pick on someone, it’s hard to know what to do. If you feel safe, you can say it’s not okay. If you find yourself in that kind of situation, come speak to me about it.
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