This might be a question that many parents will find quite difficult to answer, it is okay to be somewhat surprised or shocked by such a question. However, like any other question we can do our best to answer.
If a child or young person asks this question, there are suggestions for your response below. This would be an example of a question where you would want to find out more about why such a question is being asked. This might be a personal experience or worry, or a worry for a friend. And of course, it can just be a straightforward request for good information. Interest in their question can be explored gently, so as not to make the child worried or feel they have done or said something wrong. You could start with comments like: Let’s talk about that for a minute… Can you tell me what you know about that already? Okay, could you tell me where you heard that?
If you are concerned that another child or adult has shared pornographic material with your child, you should seek advice from a professional person you trust. You can call ParentLine for free: 08000 28 22 23 or go here for a link to the webchat and email facility: How Children 1st Parentline Can Support You | Children 1st
3, 4 and 5-year-olds
A child this age is unlikely to ask this question.
6, 7 and 8-year-olds
A child this age is unlikely to ask this question, but they might hear conversations and be curious about the word. It is troubling to think of this, but a child might be shown images by an older child or adult, and so we can protect our children by responding to the question if it is asked. As indicated above, this would always be a question to explore in more detail.
Sex is something that grown-ups (like mummy and daddy/mummy and mummy…) do when they love each other. They cuddle and kiss and get close. Pornography shows grown-ups and sex.
If anyone shows you something about sex, or maybe you see something online by accident, then come speak to me. I will always listen, and we can chat.
9 and 10-year-olds
Sex is something that adults can do when they love and care for each other.
Pornography is sometimes called ‘porn’. Pornography is a photograph, image, film or words that are about sex.
If anyone shows you something about sex, or maybe you see something online by accident, you can come speak to me. I will always listen, and we can chat.
11 and 12 year-olds
At this age we know that more children are being exposed to pornography. You may want to talk with your child if they have accidently viewed or looked at or been shown pornographic content. You may want to make sure they have some basic understanding from you, before they see or hear something from other sources.
Sex is something that adults can do when they love and care for each other. Pornography is sometimes called ‘porn’. Pornography is a photograph, image, film or words that are about something sexual. Porn can show people’s sexual body parts or show people having sex. Some porn can be upsetting because it shows a person being hurt or abused.
If anyone shows you something about sex, or maybe you see something online by accident, you can come speak to me. I will always listen, and we can chat.
13, 14 and 15 year-olds
16, 17 and 18 year-olds
In addition to the answer that follows there is more to support talking and learning at home for these age groups of young people in Talking About: Pornography/What it is/The harm it does (13, 14 and 15 year olds) and Talking About: Pornography/What it is/The harm it does (16, 17 and 18 year olds).
Pornography is sometimes called ‘porn’. Pornography is a photograph, image, film or words that are about something sexual. Porn can show people’s sexual body parts or show people having sex. Some porn can be upsetting because it shows a person being hurt or abused.
It is really easy to access porn, sometimes by looking, sometimes by accident. You don’t have to watch it.
There is lots of research that shows people involved in porn are being hurt and abused. And watching too much can affect how we think about sex and relationships. If anyone is trying to pressure you to watch it, or you see something upsetting, come and talk to me. I will listen and we can work out how you can manage the situation.
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