All our children will go through puberty. You probably remember your own experiences of growing up and the changes that happened to the shape of your body, body hair, sweating and body odour, spots and for girls, menstruation (periods). And of course there are emotional as well as physical changes. Whilst all of this is natural children can worry about the prospect of puberty. Some children and young people find the physical and emotional changes quite difficult to understand and cope with. The changes that will come will happen at different times for different children; your child might go through puberty before friends or later than other children, this means that there is sometimes a need for reassurance. We can give that when children ask us questions.
Children and young people with complex additional support needs usually grow up and go through puberty like every other child, but some may go through puberty early, some may have puberty delayed. Sometimes medication can impact on timing and experience of puberty. You know your child best, if you need to talk more about how disability or medication affects your child, talk to a professional person you trust.
What is puberty? and will it happen to me? are probably questions that you want to come back to and keep chatting about. You will find help with this in the Talking About section. There is more in those age category sections to help conversations on the topic of puberty.
Now, thinking about the questions, here are ways to respond.
3, 4 and 5-year-olds
While children of this age may be unlikely to ask these questions, they might hear you have chats with older brothers or sisters and so might ask: What’s puberty? If they do, they can be told:
Puberty is something that happens when you are older, your body grows up, there will be lots of chats about it when you are older.
6, 7 and 8-year-olds
Children this age are likely to have questions. This response can help start the many conversations that are likely to follow.
Puberty is the time in your life when your body begins to change because you are growing up. Some changes you can see. Some changes happen inside your body. You can’t see these. Puberty changes happen between the ages of 9 and 16. Some changes in your body might be starting to happen soon, some will happen later. This is different for everybody.
If your child then asks about the changes that will happen, or if there are already early signs of puberty, you can add these next comments. You can also personalise your response by adding things like, ‘just like mum’ or ‘just like your big brother’:
These changes will happen. Hair will grow on parts of your body. Your skin might get a bit oily; this can cause spots. Girl’s breasts will grow. Boy’s voices can sound deeper. When we sweat, we can get body odour, so we need to make sure we keep clean.We can talk more about the changes that come with puberty as they happen. All these changes happen to everyone.
9 and 10-year-olds
Puberty is the time in your life when your body begins to change because you are growing up. Some changes you can see. Some changes happen inside your body. You can’t see these. You can have stronger emotions and new feelings.
Puberty changes happen over several years. Usually between the ages of 9 and 16. Some changes in your body might be happening now, some will happen later. This is different for everybody.
If your child then asks about the changes that will happen, or if there are already signs of puberty, you can talk about what you see, what they have noticed, and add these next comments. You can also personalise your response by adding things like, ‘just like mum’ or ‘just like your big brother’.
When we go through puberty changes happen to our bodies. Hair will grow on parts of your body, your arm pits and around your private parts. Your skin might get a bit oily; this can cause spots.
Boys and girls grow taller. Boys can get broader across the shoulders, and their body becomes more muscular. Girls’ hips widen and their waist becomes narrower.
Breasts get bigger and rounder as they grow. All girl’s breasts are different. Boys can sometimes have growth in their breast area too. Your voice can sound deeper.
When we sweat, we can get body odour. It is important for girls and boys to wash themselves and change clothes more often.
Go to the Talking about Puberty for 9- and 10-year-olds for more to support you to talk and learn at home.
When you are chatting, your child might ask about periods. Or perhaps you would like to give your child some information about periods. You can look at our response to another question What is a period? When will I get my period?
11 and 12 year-olds
Puberty is the time in your life when your body begins to change because you are growing up. Some changes you can see. Some changes happen inside your body. You can’t see these. You can have stronger emotions and new feelings.
Puberty changes happen over several years. Usually between the ages of 9 and 16. Some changes in your body might be happening now, some will happen later. This is different for everybody.
All the changes that happen during puberty are caused by chemicals in your body. These chemicals are called hormones. Everybody has hormones. Depending on whether you’re a boy or a girl, these hormones go to work on different parts of the body.
If your child then asks about the changes that will happen, or if there already signs of puberty, you can talk about what you see, what they have noticed, and add these next comments. You can also personalise your response by adding things like, ‘just like mum’ or ‘just like your big brother’.
When we go through puberty changes happen to our bodies.
Hair will grow on parts of your body, arm pits and around your private parts. Your skin might get a bit oily; this can cause spots.Boys and girls grow taller. Boys can get broader across the shoulders, and their body becomes more muscular. Girls’ hips widen and their waist becomes narrower. Breasts get bigger and rounder as they grow. All girl’s breasts are different. Boys can sometimes have growth in their breast area too. Your voice can sound deeper. When we sweat, we can get body odour. It is important for girls and boys to wash themselves and change clothes more often.
When a girl goes through puberty she will start to have a period. Periods are also called menstruation. This is the way a girl’s body makes itself ready so that when she is grown up, she can have a baby if she wants to.
Go to the Talking about Puberty (11- and 12-year-olds) for more to support you to talk and learn at home.
When you are chatting, your child might ask more about periods. Or perhaps you would like to give your child more information about periods. You can look at our response to another question What is a period? When will I get my period? Other topics might also come up. You can look at other questions we have answered: Why does a boy’s penis get hard or bigger? What is a wet dream? What is masturbation?
13, 14 and 15 year-olds
Puberty is the time in your life when your body begins to change. Some of the changes are about preparing your adult body for reproduction – that is to have a baby, if that’s what you want to do when you are an adult. Some changes you can see. Some changes happen inside your body.
Puberty happens at different times to people. Changes happen over several years. Usually between the ages of 9 and 16. Some changes in your body might be happening now, some will happen later. This is different for everybody.
These changes will happen be happening now or be happening soon:
Facial hair will grow.
You will get body hair – private parts, arm pits and across your body generally.
There are changes in skin, it can be more oily, you can get spots/acne.
Girls’ breasts grow – some boys can have some growth too.
Increase in size of nipples (both boys and girls).
Sweating and change of smell.
Changes to body shape – shoulders, hips or thighs.
Stronger feelings of being attracted to another person.
Sexual feelings can grow.
Girls start their period (menstruation).
Boy’s voices might get deeper.
Boy’s penis and testicles grow. Boys get erections.
Go to the Talking about Puberty (13, 14 and 15-year-olds) for more to support you to talk and learn at home.
16, 17 and 18 year-olds
If there is a need to talk with your 16-, 17- or 18-year-old about puberty you can use the information provided for 13-, 14- and 15-year-olds. One important aspect for teenagers of this age would be to reassure your daughter if she has not started her periods by age 16, but to also support her to visit her GP or local young people’s sexual health service just to have a chat about why this might be so.