If a child or young person asks this question, there are suggestions here for a response. This would be an example of a question where you would want to find out more about why such a question is being asked. This might be a personal experience or worry, or a worry for a friend. And of course, it can just be a straightforward request for good information. Interest in their question can be explored gently, so as not to make the child worried or feel they have done or said something wrong. You could start with comments like: Let’s talk about that for a minute… Can you tell me what you know about that already? Okay, could you tell me where you heard that?
You may think that this abuse of children and young people is so worrying that you want to start the conversation, rather than wait for the question. If so, these answers will help.
If you are concerned that your child (or another child) is being manipulated, threatened or abused online by another child or adult (known to them or someone pretending to be someone) you should seek advice from a professional person you trust. You can call ParentLine for free: 08000 28 22 23 or go here for a link to the webchat and email facility: How Children 1st Parentline Can Support You | Children 1st If you read about this in the media sometimes the name used for this activity is ‘financially motivated sexual extortion’.
3, 4 and 5-year-olds
6, 7 and 8-year-olds
Children of these ages are unlikely to ask this question. There is information in the Talking about: Keeping safe and happy online that will help you help them to build the foundations for safer online experiences.
9 and 10-year-olds
11 and 12 year-olds
At this age you child may be online on a smartphone, tablet and they might be gaming with people you or they do not know in-person. Please learn more about how you can keep your child safe online (you can work together using the Talking about being safe and happy online (9-10 year olds and Talking about being safe and happy online 11-12 year olds) sections). At this age, this is a question you would want to explore further – as described above. Sadly, children this age are at risk. In the meantime, if they ask this question and you want to respond directly, this may help:
Sextortion is when a person online gets someone to send them nudes or intimate pictures, then they threaten that they will share these unless they get money, or the person shares more images with them.
You know already, never ever send someone a picture of you, any kind of picture. And if someone asks you for a picture, even if you think they are another kid, say you can’t and please tell me. I will never be annoyed with you.
If you ever make a mistake about this, please come tell me, I really want to know and help.
Remember, if anyone shows you something about sex, or sends you a picture of them, or talks to you about sex things, you can come speak to me. I will always listen, and we can chat.
13, 14 and 15 year-olds
16, 17 and 18 year-olds
At this age young people are very much at risk of being manipulated, threatened or abused online. They might also be resistant to parental interest in their online lives – privacy matters when you are a teenager. If they know that you know about this issue, through the provision of this kind of answer to a question or perhaps because you bring it up in conversation, this will give the message that you are there to listen and to understand, and never to blame or shame.
Sextortion is when a person online gets someone to send them nudes or intimate pictures, then they threaten that they will share these unless they get money, or the person shares more images with them.
What will happen is that someone will set themselves up to be someone that you might be attracted to, or they will contact you. They might use images and a profile that isn’t really them. They chat and then start to ask for images – they might share images that they say are of them, but they aren’t them. They might ask you to change platform, to something more private.
It’s often done by criminal gangs set up to do this. It’s easy to get conned. And it leaves people feeling devastated and embarrassed. If you ever feel you’ve got caught up, please come and speak to me or get advice from someone you trust. It’s never too late to stop it. I will never make you feel embarrassed about this. It happens. Please do your best to make sure it doesn’t, so just don’t share images with someone you have only met online, chances are they just aren’t who they say they are.
You might also want to take a look at Talking about: Sending and Sharing Images 13, 14 and 15 year-olds and Talking about: Sending and Sharing Images 16, 17 and 18 year-olds.
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