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Children will notice differences between people from a very early age. They will ask questions about the differences they see in others, or other children might point to something they think is ‘different’ about them. In the answers that follow we give you some ideas as to how to answer the questions: Why am I different from her/Why is he different from me?

In a short answer, which might be the start of many conversations, we cannot address significant things like sexism, bullying, racism, homophobia or discrimination against disabled children and young people. A major problem in our society is that children don’t just notice differences, they can also learn prejudices from others.

If your child experiences prejudice or discrimination then please do seek out more help and support from a trusted person, whether someone at school, online or in your community.

If your child uses words that you feel are discriminatory or prejudiced, they will have heard them somewhere – take time to explore where they heard the words and explain the need to not use some words, or to always be kind about our differences.

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3, 4 and 5-year-olds

We have said that children learn prejudices. This is true, but we must also remember that their questions can come from a very honest, curious place. In this answer the focus is positive. There are some suggestions about things to notice and compare. Of course, adapt as you see fit. In your response to their question, you could include the characteristic that the child has noticed is different.

Every boy and girl is different. We all have our own faces, our bodies, our hair. We all have our own voices. So, you have (colour of) hair. You have (colour of) skin. You have (colour of) eyes. You like to (jump/run/draw…). And (name of child) has (colour of) hair. She/He has (colour of) skin. She/He has (colour of) eyes. Do you know if she/he likes to (jump/run/draw…)?

If you want to talk more, you can find some useful tips in the Talking About section for 3–5-year-olds under these titles: Learning about similarities and differences between people and My Family/All our families are different.

We suggest this response for children this age.

Every boy and girl is different. We all have our own faces, our bodies, our hair. We all have our own voices. So, you have (colour of) hair. You have (colour of) skin. You have (colour of) eyes. You like to (insert what you know about your child). And (name of child) has (colour of) hair. She/He has (colour of) skin. She/He has (colour of) eyes. Do you know if she/he likes to (insert the things your child likes to do)?

Sometimes people say or do mean things because they think you are different from them. This is wrong. If anyone is ever mean to you, I would like you to come tell me. I will listen to you. We can talk about it, and I will help. We should always try to be fair and kind to others – we are all different. Being different is okay. You could say we are all unique and one of a kind.

If you want to talk more with your 6-, 7- and 8-year-old, you can find some useful tips in the Talking About section under these titles: My family/All our families are different and We are all unique and different.

If you want to talk more with 9 and 10-year-olds, you can find some useful tips in the Talking About under these titles: Fairness and kindness and Respect.

As well as this suggested response to the question, if you want to talk more, you can find some useful tips in the Talking About section for 11 and 12-year-olds under these titles: Fairness and kindness, Respect and Bullying.

Every boy and girl is different. We all have our own faces, our bodies, our hair. we all have our own voices. So, you have (colour of) hair. You have (colour of) skin. You have (colour of) eyes. You like to (insert what you know about your child). And (name of child) has (colour of) hair. She/He has (colour of) skin. She/He has (colour of) eyes. Do you know if she/he likes to (insert the things your child likes to do)?

You know, some people can discriminate against someone just because they are different from them, they might say or do mean things. This is wrong. If anyone is ever mean to you, I would like you to come tell me. I will listen to you. We can talk about it, and I will help.

We can all try to be a good person. We will notice that someone might be different from us. If this is a difference we don’t understand, then it is okay to ask a polite question. Whatever our differences we can remember to be fair to others. Yes, we are all different, being different is okay, you could say we are all unique and one of a kind.

There are lots of suggestions about further talking and learning together about equality and respect in the Talking About section of this resource when it comes to your teenage child. But this short response is a starter.

Every person is different. There are things about us that look the same, but plenty of things that are different. We might like the same things, or not. You know, some people can discriminate against someone just because they are different from them, they might say or do mean things. This is wrong. If anyone is ever mean to you, I would like you to come tell me. I will listen to you. We can talk about it, and I will help.

We can all try to be a good person. We will notice that someone might be different from us. If it is a difference we don’t understand, then it is okay to ask a polite question. Whatever our differences we can remember to be fair to others. Yes, we are all different, being different is okay, you could say we are all unique and one of a kind.

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