theChat.scot

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Younger children will often be quite happy to be in their underwear or naked around other people. They will not feel embarrassment. How we help them to understand rules and behaviours we expect from them regarding this will take a bit of explaining and discussion. How we respond to this question will change as children grow up. And of course, every family is different when it comes to the acceptability of people being naked at home or say on the beach. If your family has rules (say about different sexes not seeing each other unclothed) that’s okay, you need to adapt the answers here to fit your family. You might also need to be aware of how other family members feel – maybe grandparents feel differently.

As always, the answers here are suggestions, for you to adapt as you see fit. Whatever our view, as we answer questions and support our children to learn, it would be best if we can answer questions and establish rules without leaving our child feeling embarrassed or ashamed about their body.

There are also ideas about how to answer other questions like What are my private parts? in this section of the resource. And there are suggestions as to how you talk and learn with your child in the Talking About section, organised by the age of the child, and exploring topics like Names for parts of my body and Parts of my body are private.

There may be some concerns for children and young people in using changing rooms at school. This is a different conversation but do keep this in mind if your child appears worried about a school issue. Now, to respond to the question: Why can’t I take my clothes off?

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3, 4 and 5-year-olds

We offer this suggestion for the very young child with questions.

You can take your clothes off when we are at home. But we don’t take our clothes off at nursery/school, or when you are outside, or at a friend’s house. At nursery/school, when you are out playing or at a friend’s house, everyone must wear their clothes.

6, 7 and 8-year-olds

While some children will remain relaxed being naked or seeing others, some children will begin to feel less comfortable and want some privacy. You can start conversations about privacy rules they would like.

If you want to take your clothes off when you are at home, you can ask me. The answer might depend on if we have a visitor (so then the answer would be, no). But you don’t take your clothes off at school, or when you are outside, or at a friend’s house. If you want to be private when you take your clothes off, your private place is your bedroom, we could put a sign on your bedroom door saying ‘private’. We could ask everyone to knock on bedroom doors before they come in.

9 and 10-year-olds

For children this age we suggest this response.

Taking your clothes off at home is usually okay, but it does depend. You can be naked when you are in the bathroom, or in your bedroom, because they are private places. We don’t take our clothes off if someone else is visiting or staying, because they might be a bit embarrassed. And you know you don’t take your clothes off at school, or when you are outside, or at a friend’s house. If you want to be private when you take your clothes off, we could put a sign on your door saying’ private’. We could ask everyone to knock on bedroom doors before they come in.

If there is a need to answer this question for children of these ages, you can use the response for 9- and 10-year-olds.

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