You may have already had a chat regarding the questions What is gay? What is lesbian? Why are some people gay or lesbian? You might find the suggested answers to those questions (also in this section of the Chat) of help as you think about these next questions.
The responses here are also intended for a child asking a question where they see a difference from their own family. If you are same-sex parents, you will find your own day-to-day ways to talk about your family.
3, 4 and 5-year-olds
Children are accepting of all relationships, but they can be curious, they become increasingly aware of difference. They might be curious as to why a friend has two mummies or two daddies. At this age, it is likely they are more likely to ask the first of our questions. You can adapt the beginning of your response to suit your family.
You have a (describe the makeup of your family). (Name of child) has two mummies/two daddies. All our families are different. Mummies and daddies love their children.
6, 7 and 8-year-olds
By this age you may need to respond to both questions – or variations of them.
You have a (describe the makeup of your family). (Name of child) has two mummies/two daddies. All our families are different. Mummies and daddies love their children.
You were made in your mummy’s tummy, so was (name of child). To make a baby you need a tiny little egg from a woman, and you need the seed from a man. You join them together and they make a baby. If two mummies need a seed from a man, they can get help from a man. If two daddies need an egg from a woman, they can get help from a woman. When a baby is born, they can live with their family.
9 and 10-year-olds
11 and 12 year-olds
All our families are different – so you have (about your family) and some children can have two mums or two dads that are gay.
You know that a baby is made by grownups. To make a baby you need a tiny little egg from a woman, and you need the seed (called the sperm) from a man. A woman’s eggs are inside her body, a part called the ovaries. A man’s sperm is made in his testicles which are inside the bag of skin that hangs behind his penis.
If the couple is a woman and a man, they can have sex and share the seed and egg, that can make a baby. If two women want to have a baby, then they would need to ask a man for sperm. If two men want to have a baby, they would need to ask a woman for an egg and ask a woman to carry their baby through pregnancy.
Of course, single people and couples of all kinds can adopt and foster children to make their family. So gay men and women can have a family, but it might happen differently from when a mum and dad plan to have a baby. At the end of the day, we are all families and parents love their kids.
13, 14 and 15 year-olds
16, 17 and 18 year-olds
All our families are different – so you have (about your family) and some children can have two mums or two dads that are gay.
If a heterosexual (sometimes people say ‘straight’) couple – so that is a woman and man as a couple – want to have a baby, then they can have sex, some people do need help with fertility and then a doctor can support treatments that will help.
When a lesbian or gay couple want to have a child then they can adopt a child (like single people and straight couples can do) or lesbian women can find a sperm donor, and gay men can find a woman to donate an egg and then the same woman or another woman who will carry the child through pregnancy. A woman who does this is called a surrogate.
So gay men and women can have a family, but it is different from when a mum and dad plan to have a baby. At the end of the day, we are all families and parents love their kids.
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