theChat.scot

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Talking about being a friend

At this age children are learning how to interact with others. They begin to understand the value of friendships and how to cooperate, share and help others. They will also begin to express a preference for who they want to be with. You might see them seeking out other children at nursery to play with. Of course, they learn as they go. Learning to play with others, share, be kind is all an ongoing process. Some children can find bigger groups of children a bit overwhelming, if this is your child think of ways that you might set up smaller group or one-to-one experiences with other children.

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Chatting about friendships

Talking about being a friend or having a friend is less likely to be a ‘sit-down’ moment with a younger child. More likely you will chat and play and tell stories of when you or brothers or sisters were little. There are lots of books to read together. But to start the conversation about friends and friendship you can ask:

Who did you play with (today)?
What did you do with (name of child)?
Do you like playing together?
Do you think you can be friends?

You can talk about friendship in the context of also talking about kindness. You can notice when your child or another child shows kindness or shares.

Kindness means doing helpful or good things for another person. Children who are kind to each other can be friends. Is your friend kind?

This film sees 4- to 7-year-olds talking about being a friend, you could watch it together and chat:

What is a good friend?: https://youtu.be/ReMq3KX8F94 (duration 2 minutes)

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When children fall out

This is an opportunity to reflect on relationships. Your child might mention a fall out, or perhaps another parent or nursery staff might mention something. You can focus on feelings rather than ‘what happened’. When you are on your own together, you can acknowledge upset, ask about feelings and if it feels appropriate reassure that feelings pass.

How are you feeling? Are you upset? It’s upsetting when friends fall out. You usually get on together, you can play again next time.

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Songs and books

You can watch/listen to these songs together; they can help you to prompt a chat about friends and friendships. (When viewing something on YouTube you can skip adverts and set it up to play)

You might like to read these books together. Your library or nursery might have them, or you can ask a library if they will order a book for you. If your child’s nursery has books available, you could ask them to buy books about friends and friendships.

Once there were two friends who were always together. But one day, the boy was all alone. His friend was gone. Undaunted, he sets off on a quest before finally being reunited with his beloved friend.

 “Do you want to be my friend?”, asks a little mouse of a horse, a peacock and others in this classic story. Only when he meets another little mouse is the answer unequivocally, “yes”.

Boy built a wall to keep himself safe. The book uses a simple metaphor to explain how children who have had painful or traumatic experiences can build barriers between themselves and other people. It will help children explore their feelings and encourage communication.

Meet Brian, the invisible boy. Nobody ever seems to notice him or think to include him in their group, game, or birthday party – until, that is, a new kid comes to class. This story shows how small acts of kindness can help children feel included and allow them to flourish.