theChat.scot

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Talking about making choices. Saying yes and Saying no.

At this age we can help our children to express what they like and don’t like. We can help them learn the value in listening to what others say. With the development of language skills, and as they make connections with other children and adults outside the family home, they will be learning how to communicate effectively. As part of this, they can learn what manners are and why they are important. As with all the different topics we are exploring in this section of the Chat much of this talking and learning together happens in those moments where we are talking about how the day is going, playing and reading books.

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Learning to say yes or no by making choices

You can help your child learn express preferences/make choices by the questions you ask. Try to ask questions where there is a choice to be made (and the answer will be accepted): Do you want a banana or an apple? Or you can ask a question they can respond to with yes or no, but that will lead to further questions, where decisions will be respected: Are you hot or cold? Would you like your jumper? Would you like to take your jumper off?

There will be lots of opportunities to offer choices to children in the day – just try to be sure they are real choices, and don’t feel that everything must be a choice. For example, if it’s raining outside, they will have to wear their wellies and not their slippers, this might need explanation but isn’t a choice.

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Body language and gestures

While we are encouraging children to use words we can also focus on the gestures or body language we use when we communicate our feelings or preferences. You can explain to your child that sometimes we can tell how someone feels, does or doesn’t want by how they look to us. To show them you can exaggerate your gestures and body language a bit so that the child understands – things like nodding or shaking your head, or using thumbs up, having a big encouraging smile, or a look of concern. If your child or another child in their group of friends is quiet, less likely to express themselves with words, then guide your child to notice things (without answering for the other child): “Oh, I think Maria doesn’t want to share the ball just now”.

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Please and thank you

The best way to help your child learn about when and how to say please and thank-you is to see and hear you doing it.  So, when we say please this means asking for something and (importantly) waiting for a decision. For example: “Please can we read a story together? Can you help me with this please?” When you use thank-you you can smile and add extra comments: “Thank-you that was really kind of you to help me tidy up.”

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Asking for permission.

You can help your child learn about asking for permission by showing them how to do it. This is supporting them from a young age to understand the idea of consent, although that needn’t be a word you use. Asking for permission is another part of learning about good manners. For example: “Can I help you put your jacket on? Can I have one of your sweets?” And of course, the important learning is accepting the response you get.

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Understanding other people’s choices.

As your child is learning that they can make choices and say what they want, they will be learning that other people can do this too. So, over time they will need to learn to listen and pay attention to others. Of course, they might not always be happy with the other persons choice. Then you can talk: “Why did (name) say/do that do you think? What did you think when…?”

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Books

You might like to read these books together. Your library or nursery might have them, or you can ask a library if they will order a book for you.

‘You’d be surprised how many ways I change on different coloured days’. Dr Seuss takes the reader on a journey through many different moods.

For younger children, an expressive baby demonstrates different behaviours and their predictable responses.

David does a lot of things he’s not supposed to do.

There’s one day a year when the response to every question must be YES.

Harrison P. Spader sat a little too close. Shook hands a little too long. High-fived a little too hard. And hugged a little too much. Harrison P. Spader was a personal space invader. But that all changes when he learns more.

Rissy’s friends and family wonder if she is sick, confused or rude. But kisses make Rissy uncomfortable. Can she show everyone there’s no one way to show you care?