theChat.scot

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Talking about…My body belongs to me (Bodily autonomy)

When we help our child to understand the idea of bodily autonomy this means helping them to understand that their body is their body, it belongs to them. With the idea of bodily autonomy, we can help our child build self-confidence and positivity about their body.

We also want our child to understand that no one should ask to see their body, or to touch them without permission. We can do this by being positive and not worrying them at all.

There is more in this section of the Chat to help you talk together on related topics: Talking about: Names for private parts of the body and Talking about: Parts of my body are private.

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This is my body, and I look after it

As parents, we can have chats with our children about how we look after our body. You can help your child to understand that their body is their body, and they look after it when they eat well, when they are active, when they have good personal hygiene. At this age we can begin to give positive messages about body image. The kinds of things you can chat about day-to-day are important messages like:

You are an individual. You are you. I love you. You have the right to feel comfortable in your body and to know how you look is fine. I love every bit of you! You can feel good about the things your body can do. What do you like to do? You can do your best to take care of your body.

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How do we say hello?

You can give children some choices about how to say hello to people – whether that is how they greet others at home, or when they meet other children or adults at school. The options can be a hi-5, handshake, a hug or a simple ‘hello’. They can also learn that they can change their mind. Take the time too to help them notice and respect another child or adult’s choices (and that they might also change day-to-day).

One thing about how we say hello – as well as how we say goodbye – is the expectations that other family members can have. From the early years we can establish that our children do not have to go round giving family members kisses or hugs. You might have to explain this to family members, but you can help your child learn about bodily autonomy if they have choices in these circumstances.

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I like it when…/I don’t like it when…

Have check-ins and chats with your child about things they like and don’t like. You can talk about being at school, at a club, or playing in the park. If you see that they appear to be uncomfortable in a social situation, ask gently in a conversation: Do you like it when… Do you not like it when…? You can help them think of strategies to make sure uncomfortable or unwarranted hugs or touching is stopped. Of course, this might be something you need to do when it comes to adults, for example explaining to a family member that they don’t want to be cuddled or lifted.

Part of this conversation can also introduce your child to recognising a feeling they have. Use what language you want to, but sometimes people talk about their ‘tummy voice’ – that feeling in your tummy where you ‘feel’ I don’t like that, that makes me feel uncomfortable, I’m a bit worried. If their tummy voice ever speaks to them, you can encourage them to listen and come tell you.

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Boss of my body

This song is great fun and might lead to a fair bit of singing along. The lyrics refer to that ‘uh oh’ feeling and of course to the idea of being ‘boss’ of their body.

Boss of My Body https://youtu.be/zAALZxa6NCw (2 minutes 33 seconds). As with all YouTube clips or material on any such platform, cue the clip to go to ensure it is what you intend, and skip adverts.

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Books

You might like to read these books together. Your library might have them, or you can ask them if they will order a book for you.

A humorous and insightful introduction to consent, an empowering guide for children.

For younger children in this age group: ‘No Means No!’ is a children’s picture book about an empowered girl who has a very strong and clear voice in all issues, especially those relating to her body and personal boundaries. Teaching personal boundaries, consent.

On his 6th birthday, Miles’ excitement is dimmed when he finds himself being pinched, hugged too tight, picked up and tickled by his well-intentioned family and decides he’s had enough. When Miles decrees that he is the “Boss of his body,” his whole family expresses support and respect for his personal boundaries.

For younger children in this age group. Doug doesn’t like hugs. However, Doug is a master of high fives (and low fives and side fives).

Nick experiences several situations that make him uncomfortable, but once he tells his parents, he gains new ways to address the situations.

A book about personal space represented by a bubble. Inside that bubble is more bubbles, all of them representing a different layer – but all these bubbles are invisible to the eye, so we need to learn how to protect our own bubbles and respect others.