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Talking about fairness, kindness and equality

As we explore ideas of fairness, equality and kindness we can support our children to develop empathy, respect for others and a sense of responsibility. We can also hope that when children understand fairness they are better equipped to see the other person’s viewpoint and resolve conflicts.

There are of course complexities to all of this.

For example, fairness does not always mean equal – sometimes some people need more support or time than another person. Through the idea of fairness, we can help our children develop empathy for others by understanding their needs too.

Another example might be how we want our children to understand kindness. Sometimes parents can be concerned that telling a child to be kind doesn’t help them deal with difficulties in relationships with others. So, while we want our children to be kind, it is also important that they understand when someone is being unkind to them that that is not okay. While we want our children to do their best to get on with others, they do not have to consider everyone a friend. 

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Explaining fairness, kindness and equality

These short descriptions of what these words mean might be helpful as you chat.

Fairness means making sure that everyone is treated in a way that is right for them.

Kindness is being nice, helpful and caring towards others, and thinking about their feelings.

Equality is about being fair. Equality means making sure that everyone, for example every girl and boy, has the same chances to make the most of their lives and talents.

Part of your chats about fairness, kindness and equality might be the need to use words that describe experiences which are neither fair nor kind. If you want to talk about stereotypes or prejudice and discrimination these descriptions will help.  If your child has experienced prejudice or discrimination, or seen this happen to others, you can connect these descriptions to those experiences.

A stereotype is an idea that people might have about a whole group of people – thinking that all those people are the same. For example, thinking that all Scottish people wear kilts (well some of us do some of the time). Or all boys like to play football (actually, some do, some don’t). Or all girls want to wear make-up (actually, some might, some won’t). Often a stereotype about a group of people says a bad thing about that whole group.

Prejudice is about what a person might think. It is when you decide something about a person just because of the way they look, or maybe just because of where they come from. So, before you even get to know them you think something negative.

Discrimination is about what a person does, it is when you treat someone badly just because of who they are.

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Random acts of kindness

This is a fun idea – a random act of kindness is a selfless and spontaneous act, something you do for someone else without any expectation of thanks or reward. You can see such small acts happening around you, including those by your child, you can notice and be thankful for each one. You can search for lots on the internet about random acts of kindness and kids, there are animations and ideas of things to do together. You could find out if your child’s school is interested in the idea.

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Kindness jar

If you want to encourage your child to think about kindness, and those small acts of kindness that make a difference in the day, you could have a wee kindness jar – a normal jam jar will do with a label you can make together. Every time you see an act of kindness at home or when you chat about the school day and recognise a kindness, pop a token/bead in the jar. You can decide together how many acts of kindness you need in the jar before you have a celebration of all the kindnesses in your lives.

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World kindness day

Every November there is World Kindness Day where there is a celebration of acts of compassion. You could pop the date in your diary, or make sure your child’s school knows about it. World Kindness Day: Inspiring Unity Through Acts of Compassion

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Books

You might like to read these books together. Your school or library might have them, or you can ask the library if they will order a book for you.

Billy wants to be a stand-up comedian when he grows up, but surely impossible for Billy, who has a stammer. How will he find his voice, if his voice won’t let him speak?

These twenty-two true stories capture the highs and lows, the tears and laughter, the friendships and fallouts of growing up with a disability.

Sharing the stories of more than 40 children from across the globe, this book celebrates their strength and joys and challenges.

A nuanced look at Islamophobia and its impact on young girls who wear the hijab.

Sami’s life in Damascus is shattered when there’s a bombing at a local shopping centre. His family flee Syria, journeying across Europe – a journey of real fear and danger. Based on the real experiences of Syrian refugees, this book looks at the harrowing impact of fleeing a country, and the racism families face when coming to the U.K.