theChat.scot

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Talking about identifying trusted adults: Who to go to with a question or a worry

From time to time every child will have a worry. As parents we can do our best to notice if something is worrying our child. We can also talk about what to do with a worry before they happen, and who you would like your child to go to when they have a question or a worry.

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Regular and casual chats

You can make it a habit to chat with your child. If you establish this when there are no worries this can help them to learn that there is always a time and space where they can open up. Children sometimes prefer these kinds of chats when doing things, walking the dog, preparing food, in the car together.

In these chats we can try our best to listen and encourage them to open up, tell them that you can hear that they are upset, worried or indeed however they are feeling. Of course, we want to fix things for our children when they are worried or in distress but try not to jump in too early or to solve a problem for them. A helpful approach can be to think about different ways to address a worry or a problem together, what options do they have or that you can both work on?

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Who can I go to with a question or a worry? My 5

You can chat about who your child can go to with a question or a worry. Of course you want that to be you, but it is also helpful that your child can identify other adults or older siblings who can help. These people can be in the family or at school, in a club they go to, in your church or community group. The way you can do this is to hold up your hand and with your child have a chat about five people they can go to with a question or worry – count them off, one finger at a time. As you chat you can talk about: Why them? Are they good listeners? Are they easily available? Are they kind? And you can also check out: What would make me a better listener?

You could share the My 5 conversation you have with your child with other people your child has identified. You could do this together or ask permission from your child to share on their behalf. This means that those other people know that when your child comes to them it is because they have been identified as a trusted person.

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Support for you

Don’t forget that sometimes you need support too. Your child might come to you with a question or a worry that you feel is too big to manage on your own. Check out the More Support for Parents section of The Chat resource. If you need to chat, contact someone.

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Books

You might like to read these books together. Your school or library might have them, or you can ask the library if they will order a book for you.

A story for children whose worries have grown so big that they bother them almost every day.

This practical guide combines cognitive-behavioural therapy methods used by child psychologists in schools with simple activities to help your child to deal with feeling anxious.

Information, fun activities and top tips to help your child build their resilience and take on new challenges with confidence.

Techniques are presented in language immediately accessible to children with an emphasis on shifting from knowing to doing, from worried to happy and free.

A step-by-step guide for children on how to do the things that matter to them despite anxiety – a toolkit for working positively with anxiety over the long term.