Talking about my body belongs to me (Bodily autonomy)
When we help our child to understand the idea of bodily autonomy this means helping them to understand that their body is their body, it belongs to them. With the idea of bodily autonomy, we can help our child build self-confidence and positivity about their body.
We also want our child to understand that no one should ask to see their body, or to touch them without permission. We can do this by being positive and not worrying them at all. There is more in this section of the Chat to support your conversations: Talking about names of private parts of my body, Talking about consent and Talking about abuse.
This is my body, and I look after it
As parents, we can have chats with our children about how we look after our body. You can help your child to understand that their body is their body, and they look after it when they eat well, when they are active, when they have good personal hygiene. At this age we can begin to give positive messages about body image. The kinds of things you can chat about day-to-day are important messages like:
You are an individual. You are you. I love you.
You have the right to feel comfortable in your body and to know how you look is fine. I love every bit of you!
You can feel good about the things your body can do. What do you like to do?
(You will know if they like to run, skate, play football…)
You can do your best to take care of your body.
There is more on taking care of our body in the section about Keeping clean and personal hygiene.
Personal space: My bubble
To help build your child’s sense of personal space, the space they want others to respect around them, you can chat about any instances when you see your child looking uncomfortable – perhaps a relative still expects a kiss, perhaps another child is insisting on standing too close. You can share the idea of us all needing personal space at different times, and that this might be different for different people.
Explain that most people feel comfortable with at least an arm’s length person space between themselves and anyone else in everyday situations. Putting both your arms out and swivelling your body, explain that this is your “bubble”. Ask your child to stand and make their bubble too.
You can chat about times when it would be hard to apply the bubble. Examples could be using transport, sitting at tables in the classroom and queuing. But you can still promote the bubble personal space regularly. You can also show how to ask permission to step inside someone’s bubble – and respect their decisions. Like when you ask your child: Can I have a cuddle?
Boss of my body
This song is all about personal space and bodily autonomy. The lyrics refer to that ‘uh oh’ feeling and of course to the idea of being ‘boss’ of their body.
Boss of My Body https://youtu.be/zAALZxa6NCw (2 minutes 33) As with all YouTube clips or material on any such platform, cue the clip to go to ensure it is what you intend, and skip adverts.
Feeling yes/Feeling no
We can support our child develop confidence and a strong sense of bodily autonomy by encouraging them to understand and listen to their feelings. Sometimes children talk about their ‘tummy feeling’ – that sense that something is making them uncomfortable, a sense that something isn’t right.
As you chat, about the school day or when you see your child is confident or uncomfortable, you can talk about how they have been feeling inside about things. You can encourage them that if they feel YES, they can say YES. That if they feel NO, they can say NO. Acknowledge that when they feel NO or NOT SURE they might feel nervous, or upset, or have butterflies in their tummy. Recognise, sometimes this is hard if you are saying NO to an adult, but you can say no politely too. You can stress that if an adult or other young person is suggesting something that frightens or upsets them, they will feel NO and if they feel NO they should say NO! or GO AWAY! And then talk to someone they trust, this can be you.
Books
You might like to read these books together. Your school or library might have them, or you can ask the library if they will order a book for you.
Respect: Consent, Boundaries and Being in Charge of You
Rachel Brian
ISBN 152636221X
A humorous and insightful introduction to respect and consent, an empowering guide for children.