Talking about the age of consent
As parents we want our teenage children to delay sexual activity until they are old enough to make good decisions and keep themselves safe and healthy. The law helps to do this by saying that the age of consent in Scotland is 16. As a family you might also have beliefs or rules about your child’s behaviour that encourages them to think about sexual activity in the context of loving relationships, or of marriage. Whatever our views, by helping young people understand the age of consent we are helping to protect them.
Most young people do wait until they are 16 or older before they have sex. However, a minority of young people have sex before they are 16 and while we want them to understand the law, we do not want to frighten them, or put them off seeking information, support or services.
The information here that will support your chats about the age of consent needs to be understood alongside the important matter of sexual consent – you can find more about Talking About Consent in the Chat.
What is the age of consent?
The age of consent is the law that states what age a person needs to be before they can agree to have sex lawfully. It is the same age for all young people, whatever their sex or gender identity, the sex/gender identity of their partner or their sexual orientation. The age of consent in Scotland for everyone is 16.
What do I need to understand about the age of consent?
These are some of the key facts about the age of consent.
The law uses different words when talking about sex. What the law says applies to all young people – whatever their sex or sexuality. It says sex is penetrative oral, vaginal and anal intercourse. This means when a someone puts their penis or something like a sex toy in another person’s mouth, vagina or anus (bottom). Then the law talks about sexual activity, and this means penetrative sex as I’ve mentioned and also kissing or sexual touching, this could include when they masturbate together. If someone asks another person to do anything sexual online, then this is also considered as sexual activity.
When we think about sex and sexual activity, we really need to understand what the law says about the age of consent and about consent. So:
If one of the people is 13, 14 or 15 and the other person is 16 or older, the older person is breaking the law because the age of consent for sex and sexual activity is 16. Both people must be 16 or older.
If both people are 13, 14 or 15 they are both breaking the law. Having said that, if there are no other concerns about the young people it’s unlikely they would be prosecuted.
If you have a friend that’s under 16 and having sex it would be a good thing to do to encourage them to go to a young people’s clinic, or chat with someone in their family that they can trust.
Someone under 13 cannot consent to sex or sexual activity. If a person is under 13 then any sex or sexual activity is against the law, the person who is over 13 would be breaking the law, it would be rape. If both were under 13 both would be breaking the law.
And remember that any time a person does anything sexual both people must give their consent, this means give their agreement. And you need to be sure that the person does agree, if they hesitate or are unsure or can’t say because they are asleep or have been drinking, then it’s not consent.
A note for you as a parent: There is important information in a moment about 13-, 14- and 15-year-olds using sexual health services. But, if information is shared about a 13-, 14- or 15-year-old having sex it usually is shared with a social worker and maybe with the police. They decide if there are any child protection concerns – if there aren’t the young people will be encouraged to get sexual health information and advice. If a young person is under 13 this is always a child protection concern and will be reported to the police.
Can you get help, information or contraception before you are 16?
Young people can be confused by the finding that the law says it is breaking the law to have sex before you are 16, but that they can still get information, support and services like contraception if they need them. You will want to be your child’s go-to trusted person, but you can also give them this advice, which they can also share with friends if they need it.
13-, 14- or 15-year-olds who are having sex, or thinking about having sex, might be worried about the law. But sexual health clinics see young people aged 13 and over. It is confidential. They will encourage you to talk with your parent or other adults you trust, but they are not allowed to tell your parent or carer. Confidential means keeping your stuff private. If you speak to a nurse or doctor at a clinic, they will keep your information private. They will check that you are safe. They will not share information about you unless someone is harming you or you are in danger.