Being a parent and preparing for parenthood

As parents we are chatting about our family life pretty much all the time – who’s who, who does what, how important we are to each other. Talking with young people about what it is like to be a parent or carer is one of those topics that helps build understanding and bonds in the family now but also sets some foundations for them even though any prospect of being a parent or carer themselves might be a future consideration.

Imagining parenthood

Your teenage child might like to talk about themselves, imagining adult life, with a family of their own. These suggestions could help with that kind of chat. These chats aren’t about expecting that your child will become a parent soon but can be the kind of foundation for longer term thinking about planning and preparing for parenthood. You could chat together about these questions:

Do you ever imagine that one day you would like to have children? What kind of mum/dad do you think you would be? What do you think might be hard about being a mum/dad? What would be the best bits?

If you don’t want to be a parent at the moment, what could you do to avoid becoming pregnant or making someone pregnant?

If you have thought about having children one day, when in your life do you think you might want to become pregnant or have a partner become pregnant?

What kinds of things would you like to be sorted/in place before any pregnancy happens?

What do you think makes a parent a ‘good’ parent?

If this something they are interested in chatting about, you might want to share this from a book by Dr Laurence Steinberg who says there are 10 basic principles of good parenting.

What do you or your teenage child agree or disagree with? What seem most important to you or to them?

What you do matters: The children watch you and learn from you.
You cannot be too loving: A child can never have too much love.
Be involved in your child’s life. This might mean missing out or giving up things you want to do, just to be available for your child.
Adapt your parenting as your child grows and they change. You can’t parent an 8-year-old and a 14-year-old the same way.
Make rules and keep to them. Remember that these change as your child grows.
Help your child be independent. Always care and pay attention but give your child space.
Be consistent. Otherwise, children get confused and too much is up for negotiation.
Avoid harsh discipline. Never be unfair or cruel. Never hit a child.
Explain rules and decisions. Questions are good, but the adult needs to be clear why a rule is a rule, and why a decision has been made.
Treat your child with respect. Kindness and respect will be returned.

A link to Dr Steinberg’s book can be found below:

https://www.laurencesteinberg.com/books/10-basic-principles-of-good-parenting

The importance of an alcohol-free pregnancy

Something that young people can learn now and keep in mind for future decisions is about alcohol. In your chats you can emphasise that by making the choice not to drink any alcohol while pregnant or preparing for a baby, parents are helping to keep their baby safe and healthy. So, when to comes to alcohol: If you are drinking alcohol, don’t get pregnant; If you are pregnant, don’t drink alcohol.