Talking about being a parent/preparing for parenthood
As parents we are chatting about our family life pretty much all the time – who’s who, who does what, how important we are to each other. Talking with young people about what it is like to be a parent or carer is one of those topics that helps build understanding and bonds in the family now but also sets some foundations for them even though any prospect of being a parent or carer themselves is far away.
Talking about you as your child’s parent or carer
Your child might like to hear about how you see your role as their parent/carer. Have you thought about how you would describe what you do? And how that has changed over time? These suggestions might get a chat going.
A parent or carer is an adult in your life who looks after you and cares for you. Parents (carers) are really important in a child’s life. These days, what kinds of day-to-day and important things do you think I do as your parent (carer)?
When you were just a baby I would….
And as you grew up, I did my best to…
And now you are a teenager what I try to do is…
How do you think I’m doing?
Imagining parenthood
Your child might like to talk about themselves, imagining adult life, with a family of their own. These suggestions could help with that kind of chat.
I know you are only 13/14/15 but do you ever imagine that one day you would like to have children? What kind of mum/dad do you think you would be? What do you think might be hard about being a mum/dad? What would be the best bits?
You could ask: How do you think having a baby would change your life? These kind of chats aren’t about expecting that your child will become a parent soon but can be the kind of foundation for longer term thinking about planning and preparing for parenthood.
You could also ask: What do you think makes a parent a ‘good’ parent? If this something they are interested in chatting about you might want to share this from a book by Dr Laurence Steinberg who says there are 10 basic principles of good parenting. What do you or your teenage child agree or disagree with? What seem most important to you or to them?
- What you do matters: The children watch you and learn from you.
- You cannot be too loving: A child can never have too much love.
- Be involved in your child’s life. This might mean missing out or giving up things you want to do, just to be available for your child.
- Adapt your parenting as your child grows and they change. You can’t parent an 8-year-old and a 14-year-old the same way.
- Make rules and keep to them. Remember that these change as your child grows.
- Help your child be independent. Always care and pay attention but give your child space.
- Be consistent. Otherwise, children get confused and too much is up for negotiation.
- Avoid harsh discipline. Never be unfair or cruel. Never hit a child.
- Explain rules and decisions. Questions are good, but the adult needs to be clear why a rule is a rule, and why a decision has been made.
- Treat your child with respect. Kindness and respect will be returned.