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Talking about being Lesbian, Gay or Bisexual

Talking about people being lesbian, gay or bisexual will be influenced to some extent by the visibility of lesbian, gay or bisexual people in your family life and the friendship groups of your child. As a parent you may be lesbian or gay or bisexual. Your child might have siblings, relatives or there may be family friends that are. Young people are also meeting and getting to know lesbian, gay and bisexual people at school and in the community and also online. In terms of conversations with teenagers, we can continue to explain sexual orientation through the lens of love and relationships and have chats – if and when they want to – about their own developing understanding of their sexual orientation.

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What is lesbian, gay or bisexual?

Just to be clear with what we are talking about.

Sexual orientation is all about who you’re romantically and sexually attracted to.
We say a person is gay when they love someone of the same sex, this can be used when we talk about two men together or two women together.
We say a person is lesbian when a woman loves a woman (so for women we can say gay or lesbian).
We say a person is bisexual when they can be in love with a person who is the same sex as them, or someone of a different sex.
We don’t know why a person is lesbian or gay or bisexual, they just are, and that’s okay.
We say a person is heterosexual is when people of a different sex love each other, so a woman and a man.

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Sexual orientation explained

From amaze.org. When watching films on YouTube remember to skip adverts.

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Coming out

Perhaps your child is talking about being lesbian, gay or bisexual. Around 1 in 10 young people are lesbian, gay or bisexual. This definition of what coming out means might help. The animations you will find at the links below might be something you can share or watch together. If your child has a friend who is thinking of coming out, they could share them.

Coming out is when someone tells someone else their sexual orientation.

Sexual Orientation: Love Is Love: Free to Be Me – amaze

Sexual Orientation: Coming Out LGBT+ – amaze

If you think your child may be lesbian, gay or bisexual you can give positive messages about how much you love them and you do so equally whether heterosexual, gay/lesbian or bisexual. You can tell them they can always speak to you about who they like and how they feel.

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Talking about homophobia and biphobia

As you chat it can help to name the kinds of discrimination that LGB people can face.

Homophobia is about having a negative attitude or behaviour towards someone just because they are lesbian or gay. Biphobia is the same thing against someone who is bisexual. Homophobia and biphobia can include horrible language or threats or violence against LGB people of any age.

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If your child uses derogatory language

If your child uses a negative slang word for lesbian, gay or bisexual people, or says something that you feel is discriminatory, or sounds like prejudice, take a moment and explore what they have said and where they might have heard such a thing. While we have made progress across society, children will still hear homophobic language. While we would hope our teenage children understand the impact of words, some of these terms are commonplace. To get into a conversation about this, be gentle rather than scolding. You could start with: Let’s talk about that for a minute…

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More support for your chats

There are other Talking About topics that you can look at that might connect with conversations about equality and diversity: Talking about: Love and attraction; Talking about: Equality and rights for women and girls; Talking about: How people talk about gender/gender identity/equality and rights for trans people.

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Books

These books might be of interest. Maybe you could both read them and chat. Your library might have them, or you can ask them if they will order a book for you.

Heartstopper is the bestselling graphic novel. Charlie and Nick are at the same school, but they’ve never met … until one day when they’re made to sit together. They quickly become friends, and soon Charlie is falling hard for Nick, even though he doesn’t think he has a chance.

After being outed by her ex-best friend, before transferring to Slayton Catholic, Yami decides to lie low, make her mum proud and definitely not fall in love. 

Paul has been gay his whole life and he’s confident about almost everything. He doesn’t have to hide his feelings like best friend Tony or even cope with loving the wrong guy like his other best friend Joni. Teen literature where sexuality isn’t treated as a problem and isn’t a coming out story. 

The story is about two boys with the same name, exploring love, heartbreak, fears and journeys. 

A novel about Gio, a bisexual Black boy finding first love and facing the return of his mother who left when he was nine.