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Talking about emotional wellbeing/mental health

The terms emotional wellbeing and mental health are often used interchangeably. We don’t need to get too caught up in what each means, but we can help our teenage children understand them with this kind of explanation.

We all have physical health and mental health. Our mental health – sometimes people talk about emotional wellbeing – is our feelings, thinking, emotions and moods. We need to look after our mental health so that we can handle life’s difficulties and manage stressful times. But more than just getting by, our mental health helps us to feel satisfied with life, have good relationships, as well as be able to feel pleasure and happiness.

Talking about feelings with your teenage children is important. We can do this in the day-to-day – How are you feeling? How were you feeling when…? We can also talk about our own feelings and make our best effort to make chatting about our feelings a normal thing. As they learn to understand, talk about and manage their feelings and reactions to things we are supporting their emotional and social skills.

You might hear teachers, or other professionals, talk about emotional literacy, this means your child being able to recognise what they are feeling, and what others might be feeling, so that they can better manage social situations.

Another thing you might hear is the term self-regulation – this means helping children to manage strong emotions, so that they can seek out help or learn how to calm down when they are feeling overwhelmed. At this age we can keep talking about times when they feel they are not doing well emotionally. We might explain these times like this.

Positive and negative emotions come and go. Sometimes you can feel down, angry, overwhelmed. Maybe you don’t feel like yourself. Sometimes we don’t cope so well with events or situations in life. We can worry, feel low, and maybe find it difficult to sleep. With a good chat and some time these things can pass. But if they don’t pass so easily, or if our worries or anxieties get in the way of doing the things we need or like to do, then it’s time to share those feelings, it’s time to get help. And I am here for you.

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What can a parent look out for?

It is important that we tell normal worries from something that is more worrisome for your child. While some anxiety is normal, persistent and severe symptoms need help. If you feel your child is experiencing these kinds of things, then it is advisable to seek out some support and help for yourself first. Concerning signs might be:

• Persistent feelings of sadness, not feeling good about themselves.
• Changes to sleep or eating patterns.
• Avoiding activities, withdrawal from friends.
• Difficulty concentrating or not doing so well in school.
• Increased risk taking or impulsive behaviour.
• Anxiety in young people often shows up first as physical signs – the body’s way of showing stress and worry. Stomach aches are a common sign of anxiety, it might mean they are feeling overwhelmed. Headaches are also common, as anxiety can cause tension and pain. Muscle tension can feel like stiffness or aches in the body.

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The importance of feeling safe

Feeling safe is crucial for a child’s healthy development, this remains true through the teenage years. When a child feels safe, they can play, form relationships, and feel positive about themselves. Children who feel safe are better equipped to handle stressful situations and develop resilience, which is the ability to bounce back from adversity. What can we do as parents? We can give our child our love and affection, help them to talk about their feelings, be interested in their day-to-day lives at school and in the community, have boundaries that are consistent (these are the rules you have or the ways that you expect to do things), and try as best we can to have a routine.

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You may be worried about the impact of social media on your child’s health.

You can look at this resource and decide if it is something you would like to share with your child.

Social Media and Mental Health, Young Minds – A guide for young people around how to have a positive time online: Social Media and Mental Health | Tips and Advice | YoungMinds

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If you have questions or are worried about your child

If you have any concerns about your child being able to focus on tasks, remember things, sort out day-to-day problems, maybe they are not enjoying learning, or maybe they feel overwhelmed by their emotions – it can help to speak to a trusted person at your child’s school or to your GP. You can also contact ParentLine for free and in confidence: 08000 28 22 23 or go here for a link to the webchat and email facility: How Children 1st Parentline Can Support You | Children 1st

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Books

These books might be of interest. Maybe you could both read them and chat. Your library might have them, or you can ask them if they will order a book for you.

A self-help guide helps young people to understand the neuroscience of the teenage brain and helps teenagers decide who they want to be and how they handle things in their lives.

Aimed at teenagers to help them deal with painful emotions by drawing on the principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and presenting them in ways that are easy to understand.

A self-help guide for young people aged 13 to 17 who experience low mood and depression, and their friends, family and health professionals.

Do you have problems with anxiety? The Anxious Teen Survival Guide is a guide to help break free from the worry and ruminations that can get in the way of reaching goals.

Covering topics including emotions, sleep, social media and mental health, this is easy to read and backed by scientific research. 

Explores all the realities of the parent-teen relationships.