theChat.scot

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Talking about masturbation and wet dreams

These are topics that parents can find quite difficult to talk about, it is okay to feel embarrassed. The topics are important though because children and young people can hear misinformation about it, they can worry if masturbation or having a wet dream is normal. And it is also something we need to make sure they understand is a private thing.

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Talking about masturbation and thinking about the words we use.

Although this topic is called Masturbation and Wet Dreams, we have not used the word masturbation in the suggested text we give here. As a parent, you can decide if you want to use this word at this age or just talk about that boys or girls can touch their private parts because it feels nice.

A child might hear a more colloquial/slang word for masturbation. If they ask a question using another word, they won’t mean to be rude or embarrass you. You can start your chat with telling them that the word you will use is masturbation, explaining that the other word is a word some people think is rude.

When you chat about this topic you might realise your child needs a bit more information about puberty. You will find that in the Talking About section.

Sometimes a boy’s penis or a girl’s clitoris gets hard and feels tingly.

A boy might want to touch his penis because it feels good.

A girl might want to touch her clitoris because it feels good.

This should only be done in private. A good place could be your own bedroom with the curtains and the door closed.

We can talk more about how we respect each other’s privacy, like by knocking on your bedroom door before we come in. And remember that your private parts are private, no-one else should touch

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Wet dreams

For some children the onset of puberty can begin at this age. It is possible they might experience a wet dream, or that they will hear peers or older children talking about it. If they hear this from peers, they may worry it will happen to them, or indeed if it’s not happening to them.

When a boy is asleep, he can get an erection. This is when his penis gets hard. He might ejaculate. Ejaculation is when semen comes out of the boy’s erect penis. When a girl is asleep her vulva can become wet and slippery.

Lots of changes happen to your body as you grow up. Not everyone has wet dreams but if you do this is normal. If you wake up in the morning and your pyjamas or sheets are wet and sticky, you have had a wet dream. If this happens to you, please just come and tell me.

For 11- and 12-year-olds who have experienced a wet dream this animation offers explanation and reassurance. Look at it yourself to see if it is something you would like to share. What is a wet dream? https://youtu.be/uotzoDDRW_s

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Books

These books will give your child information about puberty and help with conversations at home. You can ask your local library if they have them or can order them for you.

A book about puberty and sexual health for children age 10+

A guide to female puberty.

A guide to male puberty.

The text describes what takes place in the body at the time of puberty. It contains sections on sex and contraception, food, exercise, hygiene and drugs and other problems both physical and emotional.