theChat.scot

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Talking about masturbation and wet dreams

These are topics that parents can find quite difficult to talk about, it is okay to feel embarrassed. The topics are important though because young people can hear misinformation, they can worry if masturbation or having a wet dream is normal. And it is also something we need to make sure they understand is a private thing.

We also need to think about the words we use. A young person might hear a more colloquial/slang term for masturbation. If they ask a question using another word, they won’t mean to be rude or embarrass you. You can start your chat with telling them that the word you will use is masturbation, that the other word is a word some people think is rude.

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Talking about masturbation

When you chat about this topic you might realise your child needs a bit more information about puberty. You will find that in the Talking About section. To begin a chat about masturbation we offer this.

Sometimes a boy’s penis or a girl’s clitoris gets hard and feels tingly.

A boy might want to touch or rub his penis because it feels good.

A girl might want to touch her clitoris because it feels good.

This is called masturbation. This should only be done in private. A good place could be your own bedroom with the curtains and the door closed.

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A short animation for young people with some useful FAQs.

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Wet dreams

It is possible that your teenage child might experience a wet dream, or that they will hear other young people talking about it. If they hear this from peers, they may worry it will happen to them, or indeed if it’s not happening to them.

When a boy is asleep, he can get an erection. This is when his penis gets hard. He might ejaculate. Ejaculation is when semen comes out of the boy’s erect penis.

When a girl is asleep her vulva can become wet and slippery.

If this happens in your sleep, it’s called a wet dream.

Not everyone has wet dreams but if you do this is normal.

If you wake up in the morning and your pants or pyjamas and sheets are wet and sticky, you have had a wet dream.

If this happens, take off your pants or pyjamas. Remove your sheets and put them where you put things to wash. Wash yourself and put on clean underwear and clothes. If this happens to you, and you are worried about it at all, please just come and tell me.

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A short animation for young people with some useful FAQs.

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Animations/films about puberty

For 13-, 14- and 15-year-olds these animations and short films could be watched together, or you could share the links with you child. If you are sharing the links, then have a look yourself first. Have a chat afterwards and check out that they understand what they have watched. There may more interesting questions and conversation.

• Puberty in girls: Boobs and more (3 minutes 8 seconds) https://youtu.be/umpBnIxOqy8
• Top signs boys are in puberty (3 minutes 24 seconds) https://youtu.be/onggxBVl4qw
• Going through puberty changes (6 minutes 25 seconds)  https://youtu.be/reC8CV8NF5Q 
• Boys change too (4 minutes 59 seconds) https://youtu.be/nJtt7k0aiAA

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Books

These books might be of interest. Maybe you could both read them and chat. Your library might have them, or you can ask them if they will order a book for you.

A book that answers questions about periods and related issues.

A useful and readable guide to puberty for boys.

A book for boys about their body and what happens to it.

Written in an A to Z format, it offers fast answers to crucial questions, dispelling old myths, while addressing all the complexities of sex.