Prostitution and paying for sex

Talking about prostitution and paying for sex

Across the Chat we try to support your conversations with your children about lots of topics, some of them difficult to consider. Talking about prostitution and paying for sex is something worth doing with our teenage children, and perhaps particularly with our sons, as they grow into adulthood because we want them to understand that the majority of men do not buy sex, and that men can talk about this and agree it is wrong to buy sex. Another more immediate reason is to make sure we protect our children from grooming and sexual exploitation. This has become ever more urgent when so much of what they see online might glamorise the selling of sex. One of the ways to do this is to chat so that what we mean by prostitution and paying for sex is well understood.

The case of OnlyFans

Has your teenager talked about OnlyFans? You could ask them and have a chat. For your information here are a few things to know.

What started as a way for anyone to share what they made or did has become mostly a place where explicit content is sold. There are concerns that young people can be led into making content that is sexualised. Most creators, whatever the hype says, make very little money and face constant pressure to make new content for followers. Creators on OnlyFans can be pushed to become more explicit, take more risks. However, identities can be exposed, there is no guarantee that anything posted won’t be shared and it is impossible to remove it entirely from the internet. Successful OnlyFans creators are now selling ‘how to’ guides and say they have young people messaging online for start-up advice.

What are some of the words people use and what do they mean?

There are lots of different ways to talk about prostitution and paying for sex. As you chat you might want to clarify these.

Prostitution: This is the word that people use to describe the business that is about selling sex. But we wouldn’t use the word ‘prostitute’ to describe a person as this is considered offensive, as if we are putting a negative label on someone.

Buying sex: This is generally what we mean when we talk about prostitution, but sex can mean lots of different things to different people. The reality is that for women involved in prostitution sex is often experienced as violent or degrading.

Sex industry/Sex Worker: Some people talk about a person being a ‘sex worker’ or involved in the ‘sex industry’. This is about describing this work as if it were a job, as if someone would choose to do this willingly. It is therefore more appropriate to talk about ‘women and men involved in prostitution’ rather than ‘sex workers’ or ‘prostitutes’.

While both women and men can be involved in prostitution it is by far mostly women. Around 75% of people working in prostitution are women, 20% are men and 5% are trans/non-binary. Almost all people who pay for sex are men.

Human trafficking: This is the transportation of people from one place to another so that they can be forced to work or be sold for sex. If the person is sold for sex this is a crime of being kidnapped and then raped. It is estimated that there are 1.4 million people in the world who have been trafficked and forced to work in prostitution. Many young people are vulnerable because of being abandoned by their families or not having safe and trusted adults in their lives.

Modern day slavery: Some people would say that working in prostitution is a part of slavery, that your body is being sold as if you were something to buy or rent. A slave has no control, no freedom, they are used and abused by another person, they do not give their consent.

What does the law say?

The Chat isn’t the place for legal advice, but this is some general information about the law.

In Scotland, the exchange of sexual services for money (prostitution) is legal but it is illegal to sell sex in a public place, or in a brothel (in a place like a house or sauna where sex is for sale from several people). It is illegal to organise the selling of sex or to live off the money made doing so (pimping). When it comes to buying sex, it is illegal to try to buy sex if you are in a public place, including driving in the street (where there is prostitution happening on the street).

Amnesty International say that people working in prostitution should not be considered criminals as this makes them more vulnerable. They need to be protected. Some countries have laws that target the people who buy sex, saying it is the person who pays who is in the wrong.

Some facts to support your chats

There are some ugly truths about prostitution that it is worth being aware of, some of this might be helpful to share in any chats.

People working in prostitution are more likely to experience violence. Women working in prostitution are between 10 and 40 times more likely than the average worker to be murdered. Between 50% and 75% experience regular physical abuse or rape.

A person often gets into prostitution because they have no or limited choices. Maybe because of poverty, homelessness or a history of sexual or physical abuse. They might feel they have limited or no other opportunities.

According to European Union 62% of human trafficking in Europe is for sexual exploitation.

68% of women in prostitution suffer from symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, as if they were tortured or had fought in a war.

Prostitution perpetuates ideas among some men that women’s bodies are something to be bought and sold. This dehumanises the woman and encourages an unhealthy sense of sexuality for the man.

The case of lap dancing clubs

In some places in Scotland there are lap dancing clubs, they need a license from the local authority. A young person must be 18 to enter. Where they exist, young men can feel pressure to go as part of a night out. You can help your son to understand that many people believe that these clubs are a way to groom women into further exploitation. If you share this view, you can support your son to say no to going to such places.

Thinking about sexual exploitation

It is worth remembering that sexual exploitation can happen in many ways, that a young person can be coerced or depending on circumstances sex can be used in exchange for food, accommodation, alcohol, drugs or protection. These are other parts of the Chat to support lots of good conversations: Talking about: Pressures/Delaying or waiting for sex; Talking about: Social media/Digital lives; Talking about: Consent and the Law; Talking about: Sexual violence and rape.