theChat.scot

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Talking about sending and sharing images

As parents we want our teenage children to be happy and safe online. Teenagers also will want – and often tell us – that they have a right to privacy. You can respect that, but make sure that your child understands that you know about sending and sharing images, and that you need to chat because you need to make sure they are safe online.

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What are we talking about?

Sending and sharing sexual images – nude photographs, photos in underwear, or performing a sexual act – is referred to as sexting by adults, but the young people may use another term such as sending ‘nudes’ – as you chat you can find out what your child and their friends will call it. This can happen between young people of the same age, sometimes between young people in relationships. But it can also happen because of being groomed by an older person, who might pose as another young person. The Internet Watch Foundation reports on how young people on their phones and laptops have been coerced and groomed into sharing graphic sexual images of themselves, without realising these are being recorded and shared. Every year the numbers of reports on this happening goes up by around 25%.

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The law

The Chat doesn’t give legal advice but it’s important to know that there is a legal aspect to this also – even if an image is shared with the consent of both young people, if they are under 18 then sending and receiving an image is unlawful because they are under 18. To stay within the law the basic message for under 18s is don’t ask for images, don’t send images and please do not share anything you receive.

These short films and animations are for young people and all about sending and sharing images. Watch them first before you share. You can follow up with a chat.

From PDST Technology in Education.

From PDST Technology in Education.

From PDST Technology in Education.

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Sextortion

There is now a situation where young people are being asked to send/share images and then they are being threatened that these will be shared. They might be asked for money, or to make and share images that are more explicit. We have used the word ‘sextortion’ but young people might just call it being blackmailed, that someone is threatening to leak their nudes, getting scammed or tricked. As you chat you can look out for any of these words and the worry that your child has about something that is going on for them online.

If your teenage child knows that you know this happens, you can give the message that you are there to listen and to understand, and never to blame or shame.

Have you heard about this? Sextortion is when a person online gets someone to send them nudes or intimate pictures, then they threaten that they will share these unless they get money, or the person shares more images with them.

What will happen is that someone will set themselves up to be someone that you might be attracted to, or they will contact you. They might use images and a profile that isn’t really them. They chat and then start to ask for images – they might share images that they say are of them, but they aren’t them. They might ask you to change platform, to something more private.

It’s often done by criminal gangs set up to do this. It’s easy to get conned. And it leaves people feeling devastated and embarrassed. If you ever feel you’ve got caught up, please come and speak to me or get advice from someone you trust. It’s never too late to stop it. I will never make you feel embarrassed about this. It happens. Please do your best to make sure it doesn’t, so just don’t share images with someone you have only met online, chances are they just aren’t who they say they are.

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Find support, including how to report and remove sexual images and videos

If you are concerned that your child (or another child) is being manipulated, threatened or abused online by another child or adult (known to them or someone pretending to be someone) you should seek advice from a professional person you trust. You can call ParentLine for free: 08000 28 22 23 or go here for a link to the webchat and email facility: How Children 1st Parentline Can Support You | Children 1st

Report Remove is here to help young people under 18 to confidentially report sexual images and videos of themselves and remove them from the internet: Report Remove | Childline If this happens to your child you can help them to use such a service and also help them to keep talking or find additional support if that will help.

You can also make a report to Crimestoppers. You will find information and advice here, and you can report anonymously: https://crimestoppers-uk.org/fearless

As we chat about sending or sharing images, we can also touch base on things like consent and pressure.

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Consent and pressure

When we talk about consent, we can introduce the idea of pressure – and that putting pressure on someone is the opposite of what should happen between people.

Consent means… Asking someone if you can do something or if they want something. If they say yes, they give consent. If they say no, they do not give consent. If they don’t say anything, or they aren’t sure or aren’t clear, they do not give consent. If they give consent once, you still must ask the next time. Putting pressure on someone to do something sexual, including asking them to share images, is the opposite of them giving their free and enthusiastic consent.

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Talking about pressure

You could chat about these questions: Why would someone put pressure on someone? What kinds of things feel like pressure? The kinds of things you might chat about that feel like pressure could be:

It might start with them being friendly, in-person or online in messages and chat.

They might ask you to keep it secret that you are in touch.

They might give you money or presents.

They check when you are on your own (so no-one else finds out about them)

They might ask you to send photos of yourself. Then they send sexual messages, they might try to be funny or nice at first, then they will get more sexual.

Eventually they might try to threaten you or frighten you and force you to do more things.

You can always remind your child of something we talk about in lots of places here on the Chat: If you ever get that feeling in your body that tells you something isn’t right, maybe you feel a bit worried, then tell me.

There is help, advice and resources for teenagers here that will help them to navigate and enjoy the online world: 11–18 year olds | Childnet