Talking about sexual harassment
As parents we might have experience of sexual harassment, at work or might have memories from school. We know that sexual harassment causes hurt, distress and limits the lives and opportunities of young people and adults.
What are we talking about?
It will help to be clear with our teenage children about what sexual harassment is, just so that they don’t think certain behaviours are normal or okay in any way. The suggestions here might be something to come back to over different chats, or to use when your child shares something with you that you want them to understand is sexual harassment.
Sexual harassment is when another person’s behaviour makes you feel offended, humiliated, intimidated, or threatened.
It can be when someone says things that are sexual to you, to hurt you or make you feel bad. They might ask you embarrassing or sexual questions or make sexual comments about you. They might stare at you in a way you feel is sexual. They might show you something sexual or pornographic. They might send AI adapted or generated images of you. It can be when someone touches you in some way. It can happen when you are with someone, or when you are online.
It’s mostly girls and women that experience sexual harassment. But boys and men can also be harassed by girls or women.
You can always remind your child of something we talk about in lots of places here on the Chat:
If you ever get that feeling in your body that tells you something isn’t right, maybe you feel a bit worried, then tell me.
Sexual harassment at school or college
Each year the Girlguiding’s Girls’ Attitudes Survey takes a snapshot of what girls and young women think on a wide range of issues. They tell us that over 90% of young women say sexual harassment happens at school. Such experiences can also happen in college. This happens to both young people and female staff. If your child has had an experience of sexual harassment, then that is something you will want to chat about. But you could also talk about it anyway and help your child understand you are there for them should anything happen.
Do you ever see people experiencing sexual harassment at school/college?
Do girls ever report it?
Why do you think girls might not report it?
What should the school/college do about this kind of harassment?
The role of bystanders
Often, when any kind of harassment or bullying is happening, there are other young people who are around, who hear it, maybe get drawn into it. The young people who see or hear what’s going on maybe feel something is wrong, but they don’t know what to do. A person who is aware or sees harassment or bullying happening is called a bystander. Bystanders can be important in helping to prevent and stop sexual harassment. To be clear, we don’t want our children to be unsafe, to get involved in a situation and put themselves in harm’s way. But you can have chats using these questions that help your teenager to think about what they can do if something doesn’t feel right.
How do you think it feels if you are the person being harassed?
How can other people help someone in that situation?
It’s important that you are always safe, so if you see sexual harassment happening and you feel confident and safe you might be able to say that it’s not right and just to stop. Or you might want to come to talk to me or to someone at school/college so that we can help.
Mentors in Violence Prevention
If your child is still at school you could find out if the school knows about or takes part in Mentors in Violence Prevention (MVP) programme. Mentors in violence prevention (MVP) | Resources | Education Scotland It is a peer mentoring programme that gives young people the chance to explore and challenge the attitudes, beliefs and cultural norms that underpin all forms of gender-based violence in our society.
When harassment becomes sexual assault
Firstly, the Chat is not a place to give legal advice, but it is important to have a good sense of when something your child talks about (maybe thinking of it as sexual harassment) is better understood to be an assault. For example, if a boy/man exposes their genitals, or puts their hand in a girl’s underwear, or takes a photo up a girl’s skirt. So, as a parent you can support your child in the first instance, but do seek out help, from a trusted professional, from the police or you can call ParentLine for free: 08000 28 22 23 or go here for a link to the webchat and email facility: How Children 1st Parentline Can Support You | Children 1st
If your child’s experience of harassment includes someone posting sexual images or videos of them, Report Remove allows them to confidentially report this and remove them from the internet: Report Remove | Childline As well as supporting your child in this instance, you might also both need more support, staring with a professional person you trust or from ParentLine.
There are other parts of the Chat you might want to look at. Talking About Sexual Violence and Rape; Talking About Equality and Rights for Women and Girls; Talking About Social Media/Digital Lives.
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